Forget About Your Feelings, Your Racism Is Killing Us

White people, I cannot trust your feelings and emotions because they often cause a lot of you to respond to non-White people dangerously.

Forget About Your Feelings, Your Racism Is Killing Us
Photo by Aw Creative on Unsplash

Your feelings and discomfort will never be more important than me and other Black people trying to recover from the trauma and pain daily caused by White people who refuse to acknowledge it even exists. Period. I’m not the Baby Lamb Child Care Services, and it’s not my responsibility to coddle you or to make you feel better. I don’t write to make racism palatable for White people. I write to share the distress Black people are in, just like so many other writers who write about White Supremacy. If what we write makes you angry, that’s a feeling or emotion you need to address. Don’t make your emotions our burden.

This piece is about White people love to read our pieces on our racist experiences and how White people inconsiderately drift into our comments and social media mentions to tell us how our words made them feel, without ever acknowledging the trauma is real or that it even exists.

Let me share with you my feelings about your feelings White people.

I Don’t Trust Your Feelings

White people, I cannot trust your feelings and emotions, because your feelings and emotions cause you all to respond to non-White people differently, often dangerously. You don’t always understand or know how properly process your emotions. Some feelings you shouldn’t share because they are just wrong. Your varied responses mean very different things for how such feelings will be expressed in the future. For instance, many White parents raised you their children on stranger danger and Black people dangers propaganda instead of teaching their children how to identify/handle real threats.

Those children are now adults treating innocent people as if they are criminals instead of recognizing real threats and protecting yourselves from them accordingly. The truth of the matter is that you’re more likely to be harmed by people you know or acquaintances rather than complete strangers. Even with the truth out there, you still fear strangers.

It’s clear with the election of 45 that at least half the White people in America wouldn’t know a real threat if it slapped them. They will deny or excuse inflammatory racism because they don’t feel threatened by it. Meanwhile, we are dying from it. See how your feelings work. Your White emotions and White feelings keep us tangled up in our underwear as a nation. We can’t move forward because of White feelings (e.g. White hate, anger, racism, superiority, prejudice, selfishness which leads to inequality, etc.), which is why your feelings are rarely validated by Blacks and people of color. Your credit is bad here.

A lot of things White folks believe are threats really aren’t, and things they should be afraid of (like evil White folks), they’re not. That’s why I can’t trust their judgment or their feelings.

White feelings cause some of you to vote wrong, suspect Blacks and people of color wrongly, say the wrong things to us, and causes you to oppress others. Your feelings are a danger to many, and those feelings often do more harm than good.

Talking To White People Is Like Talking To Brick Walls

Talking to White people about race is like talking to that grandiose narcissistic person you know who doesn’t acknowledge your being when you’re engaged in a conversation. All the narcissistic person does is talk about themselves or redirects conversations in order to talk about themselves, on top of them needing to steal your moment. It’s all about him or her all the freaking time!

You tell this person your dog died and they’ll tell you their dog died too. You tell them you got a job promotion, they already had that promotion 5-years ago and their promotion was grander. You tell them your mom died in a fiery car crash, and they’ll tell you their mom died in a fiery boat accident, and it killed her dog.

These kinds of people just won’t let you shine, even when the shine is pain! White people act the same way. You can’t let a Black man’s trauma simmer good before some of you White folks come onto the scene talking about your feelings, defending White honor, and Whitesplaining what happened to me as if you were there. Some of you White folks act as if you’re the armor bearer for Whiteness, defending it at all costs.

You tell these kinds of White people you’re sad or hurting and they will completely ignore you instead, telling you how bad they feel. You can’t get a break with them. Before you can finish speaking, they already know what they want to say because they aren’t listening to you.

White people, many of you have a grandiosity problem, it’s bad for our mental health.

Some of you folks expect our immediate and undivided attention regarding your feelings, even though you’re associated with the behavior that causes us trauma. Some of you have a fucking nerve. I even had one Karen tell me recently she was tired of Black women she knew being offended by her words or behavior. She was considering not being an ally anymore. Her entire rant was all about her, all she’s done, and how she was uncomfortable with her Black friends as of late because they made her feel uncomfortable. Being an ally was becoming a chore for her.

Take: The Narcissistic Personality Quiz

I suggested she divorce her Black friends, because she wasn’t ready to be an ally. Her friendship was predicated on people being nice to her all the time, even if she’s offensive. That is manipulative and I’m never co-signing Black people do that. If a White ally makes threats to end relationships, especially when they offend or act racistly and are being corrected, cut them off. We shouldn’t have to walk on eggs shells anymore than we already have to for White people. In these scenarios, such threats are used to center Whiteness as it works diligently to absolve itself of accusations of racism. Some ally relationships aren’t worth the time of day.

The trauma and pain we’ve endured over our lifetimes is not worth it. Racism is killing us, and we need to save our body and souls to fight another day. Our trauma should unapologetically trump Karen’s feelings. Wave goodbye to Karen and her feelings and keep moving. We are tired of some White folks guilting us into excusing their racist, grandiose behavior. I know I am.

I Don’t Care About Your Feelings Because Racism Is Killing Us

Studies show grandiose narcissists are happier and less stressed. I guess so if they are busy not giving a fuck about the people they harm. That’s why some of you White folks live longer than Black people, and it’s the reason some of us Black folks die sooner. They have perfected nice racism and not giving a fuck about your actions. Trying to get you all to not only see the error of your ways but also to change is killing us.

It’s easier to piss fire than to talk to White people about racism.

Racism and White Supremacy are killing us, and White folks couldn’t care less. That’s why they can read an entire 10-minute article I wrote on racism, scroll down to the bottom of it and talk passionately about their feelings with zero acknowledgement of what they’ve read about my experiences.

We know how you feel about racism and Black people because you show us all the time with your need to tell us about your feelings. Your words and your actions conflict with each another.

Just scroll down to the comment sections of some of my pieces of racism and White Supremacy. Not an article goes by without at least one White person feeling the need to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. Apparently, some White people are experts on all things Marley and they know me better than my own parents.

The narcissistic White folks need to make sure I know they felt offended/targeted about what I said. I never know why because I don’t call their names specifically. It’s likely they are offended because they are guilty. It’s as if they are telling on themselves.

Let me be clear, feelings are important and they should be validated if/when warranted, but the feelings of perpetrators of racism (in my case it’s mostly always White/Anglo/European people) shouldn’t supersede victims of abuse, racism, and microaggressions. So when I write about racism or White Supremacy and White people feel the need to tell me about their displeasure with my positions, I make sure I let them know I don’t really care.

If you start a comment about your feelings on a personal piece like race without validating the writer’s, they’re more than likely not going to do care about your feelings. I do not care about your feelings, I cannot about your feelings, and I shall not consider your feelings. Share your feelings wisely.

Comments About Your Feelings Don’t Matter

White people, when you leave a comment that negates my experiences, pain, or trauma in order to talk about your feelings or to police Black folks’ tone, you show us you’re oblivious to the impact your direct demands of entitlement have on marginalized communities/people. Black people and People of Color are not obligated to care about how you feel before we deal with our own trauma.

We don’t have to consider your discomfort at all, because our individual experiences have nothing to do with your individual feelings. I tell my stories to center my feelings and experiences, and to help White readers understand racism in theory and in action.

Your feelings about my racialized experiences are another unearned privilege White folks flex at the ready to reign over us. How do you ask hurt people to consider your feelings before you aid in addressing their wounds? White people, you expect a lot from Black people already to just co-exist. Could you kindly learn how to speak with empathy or be quiet if your maturity level is such you’re unable to consider anyone else except yourselves? This is the reason we chop many of you down at the knees when you talk to us. We are tired of tending to you without compensation or reparations.

Save your tears, savior stories, threats of withholding of affection, anger, aggression, and gaslighting. Instead, learn how to thoughtfully comment on things that compel you to do so you won’t appear to be an attacker.

I’m Unapologetically Black

I’m a Black writer who unapologetically writes about Black people/People of Color, Black pain, racism, Black trauma, microaggressions, politics, and White Supremacy. I don’t make up things. I write what I know about. I write to validate the invisible experiences of Black people and people of color, and to teach White people and non-White people of color who pass as White about racism and White Supremacy.

Some people can’t see racism unless you show it to them, so I show White people what racism and White Supremacy looks and feels like.

I never write to center White feelings. The negative feelings you White people experience while reading what I write is your problem if you decide you feel discomfort. If you find you’re offended and you’re feeling some kind of way, it’s perfectly normal and healthy to figure out why. Just don’t do it my comment sections anymore. I’m tired of it.

If you learned something from anything I wrote, you empathize with me or you can sympathize with parts of something I wrote, please share it. If my pieces make you remorseful or taught you something, please share it in the comments. Many people read my comment sections.

But if you’re going to leave a salty comment about your feelings after reading my postings, disregarding everything I wrote, please miss my comment sections. It’s not the kind of business you want, trust me. It’s disrespectful and takes up time and energy from people who want/need help.

Anytime I write about racism, anti-Blackness, racial microaggressions, or White Supremacy race, I receive many racist rants from trolls and bots. But I also receive a fair share of Karens and Bobs telling me about their feelings after reading my work without mentioning mines. I’m tired. It’s almost impossible to have real relationships with you because you’re always in denial about racism and your contributions to White Supremacy.

I’m never centering the feelings of Whiteness as it relates to White Supremacy and racism — ever. If you want to learn and gain some understanding about what it’s like being Black in America, by all means stay. I’m glad to have you. If you’re uncomfortable and you want to digress in a manner that is unhelpful, keep moving. I’m not your mother, your babysitter, or your White friends White people. I’m a stressed Black woman living in a racist nation. That’s what I’m here to hone in on.

I’m not coddling your feelings anymore. No more pep talks. No more affirming your feelings before I tend to mines. I’m trying to heal and survive the landmines of my landscape caused by White Supremacy, so excuse me if I don’t feel the need to address your negative feelings and bad vibes. There are more important things happening in the dynamic of microaggressions than your feelings White people, so get over yourselves.

Just remember before you type your long, White re-centering rant to vent about your negative White feelings concerning my racialized experiences, I don’t care about your scary and negative feelings or emotions.

Marley K.