When I Get Into a Jam, I Want That Brett Kavanaugh Treatment

If I lie under oath, can I have the Brett Kavanaugh treatment plan please? Just disregard my lies and give me whatever I want. I’m…

When I Get Into a Jam, I Want That Brett Kavanaugh Treatment
Source: Wikimedia Commons

If I lie under oath, can I have the Brett Kavanaugh treatment plan please? Just disregard my lies and give me whatever I want. I’m entitled to it. I’ll apologize afterwards, when it suits me. I’m a rebel you know.

When being interviewed, treat me with kid gloves too. Ask me easy questions. Let me brag about how good I am, how smart I am, and how angelic I am. I want to talk about whatever I want to discuss. You just get to sit there and listen to me. I know I’ll look like a complete fool to normal people, but that’s okay. I’m going to keep gaslighting you until you start seeing my behavior as normal.

And when you offend me, let me have my temper tantrum. Don’t check me, just allow me to go ham on everybody, especially women!

If I’m accused of a crime, I want to the Judge Brett Kavanaugh Cadillac criminal justice system treatment plan! Don’t charge me with anything, hell don’t even look regardless of the statute of limitations. Will my supporters talk around what I’m accused of? Prevent the police from looking closely at allegations made against me and then tell them what they can’t do to get me the best outcome possible? Cover my ass too, please. It’s innocent until proven guilty you know, but only when someone is actually trying to prove innocence and guilt.

When I’m trying to climb the ladders to get to those high places in American society where it seems only old White men can go, please not only make a pathway for me, make my burdens lighter on my journey. Unpack my bags, and make others disappear. Manufacture me some outcomes why don’t you!

When my Black grandsons are engaging in underage drinking, and behaving badly, grossly feeling up girls inappropriately, possibly engaging in statutory rape, getting into bar fights, in someone’s home unsupervised in a poor neighborhood, can the cops miss that? Can White men come to their rescue and valiantly proclaim “my Black grandboys will just be boys too?” Will old White men prevent my grandsons’ lives from being ruined, and will they say they shouldn’t have to for things they did as “kids,” even when the law says once you’re 18-years old you’re an adult? I want those grumpy old White men to stand up for my grandsons and other working class sons in the same manner they stand up for rich, preppy, privileged White boys everywhere like Judge Kavanaugh, and Brock Turner.

I see justice ain’t all that just when its face is White and its pappy is rich.

I’m also never apologizing for anything, and I’m never accepting responsibility…well except if I really feel I’m about to lose what I so desperately want. And only then will I apologize in 11th hour. I’m going to be an utter and complete asshole, but I’m going to ask you to apologize to me. If Judge Kavanaugh can do it, hell why can’t I?

In my next job interview when I’m asked about whether I drink alcohol or if there is a rumor of me over consuming alcohol and I say I love beer like 25 times, liquor, marijuana or whatever that vice is, please make sure you give me a promotion too. Overlook my snide remarks, and my defensiveness. I should get a job anyway. It’s a right, not a privilege I see.

I’m going to be rude to all people I deem adversaries on the interview panel during my audition for my potential last job of my lifetime, real and perceived. Never mind my behavior. Remember the integrity and character you thought I had. This won’t be the real me, this is the emotional me.

When I’m fucking up the opportunity privilege afforded me royally, I hope rich, grumpy old White men will come to my rescue the same way they cover for, cheer on, and protect White men who try really hard to fuck up their opportunities. Privilege can’t let privilege fail now can it…I want the same of type of comeuppance.

Give me deliverance, assistance, refuge and relief. Give me guidance, give me advice, give me a leg up, and please give me a hand out. I didn’t know men could be so benevolent, can I have some of that White charity? Not the kind of charity where you send money to Feed the Children or Samaritan’s Purse to feed the poor African children with flies over their eyes. You know, yall’s old Christian mission bullshit. I want the Supreme Court Justice charity special. Help me get ahead! I want that seat at the table too Mitch, James, and Orin.

I want the Brett Kavanaugh privilege plan. I want a criminal justice that works for the Black me like it works on behalf of rich White men, regardless of the facts. I want to be able to scream and be biased where I’m supposed to be unbiased and possess a temperament to deal with people. I want inside information, enabling me to climb ladders, gain access to power, and to receive special White treatment. Give me a pass on my poor behavior, I’m letting you know in advance again I’m emotional. Deal with it.

I want the law to twist and bend for me like it does for Judge Kavanaugh. Help me win. I want some power. Protect me when I get it in trouble. I want equal justice under the law. I want due process. Can I get fast due process too, like in 1 week. I want my sons and my grandsons to be treated like Judge Kavanaugh too when they get jammed up as well. I want us all to be above the law, equally. I want the opportunity to be a fraud and get away with it.

Give me the chance to avoid responsibility. It must be nice not having to be responsible for your actions. I want consequences to be for other people, not me. I want people to believe what I say, don’t watch what I do.

When I get jammed up in anyway, I want to get away with it. I want leniency and forgiveness…I want that White compassion rarely extended to people of color who make the same mistakes or are accused of similar crimes. We have always known the playing field isn’t equal, but never has it been on display for the world to see. Now that we can see it, I want the Kavanaugh Kerfuffle plan.

When being interviewed, treat me with kid gloves. Ask me easy questions. Let me brag about how good I am, how smart I am, and how angelic I am. I want to talk about whatever I want to discuss. You just sit there and listen. And when you offend me, let me have my temper tantrum. Don’t check me, just allow me to go ham!

If I’m accused of a crime, I want to the Judge Brett Kavanaugh Cadillac criminal justice system treatment! Don’t charge me with anything. Talk around what I’m accused of. Prevent the police from looking closely at allegations made against me and tell them what they can’t do to get me the best outcome possible.

When I’m trying to climb the ladders in search of those places where it seems only pretty White women and old White men are allowed to go, please not only make the path for me, make my burdens lighter on my journey to more power and more privilege. Thanks in advance.

When my Black grandsons are engaging in underage drinking, and behaving badly in someone’s home unsupervised in a poor neighborhood, can the cops miss our kids the same way they miss wealthy juvenile delinquency? Can White men come to their rescue and valiantly proclaim “boys will just be boys,” like they White boys attending prep school? Will they stand up for my Black grandsons and other working class sons in the same manner?

In my next interview, when they I’m asked about whether I drink alcohol or there is a rumor of me over consuming alcohol and I say I love beer, liquor, marijuana or whatever, please make sure you give me the job too. Overlook my snide remarks, and my defensiveness. I should get a job anyway.

I’m going to be rude to all the people I deem adversaries on the interview panel during my audition for my job of a lifetime, real and perceived. Never mind my behavior. Remember the integrity and character you thought I had.

When I’m fucking up my opportunity privilege afforded me, I hope rich, grumpy old White men will come to my rescue the same way they cover for, cheer on, and protect White men who try really hard to fuck up their opportunities. Privilege can’t let privilege fail now can it…I want the same of type of comeuppance.

Give me deliverance, assistance, refuge and relief. Give me guidance, give me advice, give me a leg up, and a hand out. I didn’t know men could be so benevolent, can I have some of your charity?

I want the Brett Kavanaugh privilege plan. I want a criminal justice that works for me, regardless of the facts. I want to be able to be scream and be biased when I’m supposed to be unbiased and calm, just forget it ever happened. I also want insider information that helps me with privilege mobility (it’s the Applecare plan for the privileged White male’s upward mobility), enabling me to gain more access to even more power, and to receive special treatment. Give me a pass on my poor behavior, I’m letting you know in advance the answer for all my issues is that I’m emotional.

I need to inflict my will, my ideologies, and my beliefs on other people in mass. Screw if it conflicts with their cultural norms. I want all races, ethnic groups, and cultures to convert to mines…I’m superior ya know!

I want the law to twist and bend for me like it does for Judge Kavanaugh. Help me win. I want some power. Protect me when I get it in trouble. I want equal justice under the law. I want due process. I want me, my sons and my grandsons to be treated like Judge Kavanaugh. I want to be above the law too. I want the opportunity to be a fraud and get away with it.

Give me the chance to avoid responsibility and give me multiple passes. I want consequences to be for other people, not me. I want people to believe what I say, don’t watch what I do.

When I get jammed up in anyway, I want to get away with it. I want leniency and forgiveness…I want the compassion rarely extended to people of color who make mistakes when they are young or are accused of crimes.

When I get into a jam, I want the Brett Kavanaugh treatment.

Oh wait, what am I thinking? I’m Black. And a woman. That’s 2 strikes already, just like my mamma and daddy promised me when I was really little. I can see clearly now.

Maybe in another life.

Until then, I guess I’ll just continue watching privilege get all the privileges.

Sarcastically Mines,

Marley K., 2018